Here I Am, I Am Here

When writing is your vehicle for expression and you don't write AT ALL for weeks you become overwhelmed by all that you want to say so you clam up completely. That's where I'm at. So much to say, so few words come out. Well, that and the almost complete lack of free time. Maybe that has something to do with it too. As I type the husband is working, the biggest is at school, the middlest is riding his bike in the cul-de-sac and harassing our retired neighbor, the littlest is asleep inside, hence, "free time". Cue angelic rays of sunlight and voices singing ahhhh!

[As soon as I wrote that my lovely middlest, who happens to LOVE my company ALL THE TIME, decided he needed me. So he turned the laptop off.]

Small business ownership is awesome and hard. The type of business we're in is feast or famine and this week was a famine week. It gave us a nice little breather after a few weeks of working 6-7 days straight. It also allowed us to tie up loose ends and for me to finally pick up my latest read: Quickbooks 2013 - The Guide. I honestly can't wait to dive in. #numbersnerd Business is busy.

I am thisclose to finishing all of my garden planting for the Spring. I'll have a whole post on that soon but I'm stoked about our choices this year. Trying new things is always fun! Hopefully they grow and produce! If not, oh well. Gardening has been a great exercise for a perfectionist like me. There are so many variables and surprises that I can't plan it all out, yet it still is a magical experience anyway.
Noah is wrapping up his last few weeks of second grade. I can't believe my baby is eight already. He was accepted into a new program next year that should be an awesome fit for him even though it means a new school. We're so proud of his growth this past year and are excited to see what his future holds. Right now he loves to rip on hipsters, which he thinks are hippies. It's amazing.

Judah is now twelve (twelve?!?!) weeks old and determined to grow up faster than I am ok with. He rolled over twice this morning and as of his well visit a few weeks ago is on par to be my fastest growing baby. He loves to smile at everyone he meets and seems to be on a growth spurt spending most of yesterday and today asleep. He's as easy a baby as all my boys were. Apparently our difficult stages don't hit until they're older.
Speaking of difficult stages Ezra is full on in one of those trying seasons of development. He has a fierce spirit and is relentless in his pursuit of all things. He knows what he wants and makes sure you do too. He is so sweet, so funny, so loving, but soooo spirited. He tests the limits CONSTANTLY and wants your companionship every minute his eyes are open. Which happens to be every minute mine are. He wakes me up most mornings and stays up until 9:30-10:30 most nights. So whatever free time I may have had "once the kids go to bed" is pretty much non-existent at this point in time. It's been a few weeks (or maybe months) of this now and I am starting to come to terms with it. I'm learning to adjust my expectations and not anticipate having any time to read or write these days. It felt like the end of the world for awhile, but now it just is what it is. In choosing to have kids I chose to take care of their needs, no matter how great or small. So for now my wants are pushed aside for the most part. He'll learn how to sleep again and eventually become more independent. We will get there. Tell me we'll get there?!? [Note: I went to visit my old coworkers for lunch with the little boys today and within five minutes of us being downtown Ezra had pushed an emergency stop button on an escalator. During lunch rush. In a busy office building. So, yeah.]
We're learning to roll with the tides of this new life we've created. We have another boy in our family. I have a new career with new expectations. New said career has changed my social life and identity. It also challenges me in different ways than I'm accustomed to. Spring has finally sprung in Minnesota which means spending as much time outside as possible. In short, life is good. And I am here, somewhere between a garden bed and a spirited toddler (preschooler? In-betweener?) trying to get my footing, constantly learning what it means to be a mama and me, just doing the best that I can.

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