I drove home Friday night full of anxiety. The boys were spending the night with my in-laws and I couldn't shake my worry about everything and nothing. Until I noticed the sunlight. It was perfect. I raced home to grab my camera and headed straight back to the cemetery on a hill only to realize I had missed the best light by about 30 minutes. And yet just wandering around experimenting with different shots in the fading light I found some peace. I have no idea what triggered the anxiety, maybe just de-stressing from a long week of work, who knows. But I'm glad I took the time I had to do something just for me, even if that something is as lame as taking more pictures of the same cemetery.
This warm October weekend was exactly what I needed. We tackled some yardwork and I was able to soak up some much needed time with my family. I feel so far away from them on weekdays that the weekend are always a nice time to catch up, get my fill of my boys. We won't be a family of four for much longer, so I'm doing my best to enjoy things exactly as they are. It's messy, but it's worth it.
I feel like I've been constantly scrutinizing my priorities these days. I want to live as deliberately as possible but it's taking me some time to define what exactly that means to me. I know it includes homesteading and reading as many books as possible and enjoying my young sons before they're grown. I'm trying to cut out as much noise as I can, which usually relates to screen time. Less time in front of the TV and more time with music turned on. I want to give back to my community more. I want to write more. I want to take more photos. I want to face my biggest fears. Basically, I'm a work in progress and that's ok with me. I still know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be: wearing my maternity mom jeans and my snowboarding vest with dirt under my fingernails, a child attached to my hip or leg, and another on its way.