10.16.2013

Knocked Up - 20 Weeks

I have officially reached the halfway point! Can't lie, it has flown by. And not blogging the past almost two weeks? Oh, that was just two separate stomach viruses that I endured. Hence my even paler than normal complexion above. It's been a long week or so, but I'm glad to finally be on the mend. I got some probiotics from my acupuncturist yesterday that will hopefully help get my poor body back on track. 

There's not a ton new to report on the pregnancy itself. Baby boy is moving and grooving pretty consistently and I love every minute of it. I had an anterior placenta last time so I didn't feel Ezra move nearly as much so early on. My appetite has slowed down (or maybe just spread out to accommodate the growing uterus) and I'm sleeping pretty well. 

We had our twenty week anatomy scan and everything looked great except for one thing: a slight heart arrhythmia. Cue internal panic for mama. We'll have another ultrasound at our regular 24 week appointment just to make sure everything still looks good. The doctor listened via Doppler after the ultrasound and said that time he sounded fine. This is most likely nothing, yet I can't help but be afraid.

I didn't want to write about this here, felt it was laying myself too bare. I have no problem telling people about my life, but I have a really hard time admitting when I'm vulnerable, to anyone really. I'm the one to always put on a brave face, pretend that I'm ok when really inside I'm falling apart. Or afraid. In all likelihood, my baby boy is just fine. But the other what-ifs plague the deepest parts of my mind. What I realized though, is that this has happened to me each time I've been pregnant. With Noah the 20 week scan came back abnormal so they ordered a level 2 which showed everything was great. With Ezra I was placed on bedrest at 24 weeks (only for a week) or he would have come into this world early and probably not made it. I do not have complicated pregnancies, but if I have learned one thing through all of this it is that our children like to keep us on our toes, even from day one.

I feel so much better after a good nights sleep and having some time to take it all in. My lovely husband pointed out yesterday that I am great at evaluating other people's situations and offering advice, but terrible at following it myself. I've uttered countless times "Don't worry until there's something to worry about." Yet following it is not quite as easy. But truly, I'm ok, we're ok, it will all be ok. I am going to force that worry out of my mind for the next month because what good will it do me? Not one damn bit of good.

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