4.16.2013

On Violence and Fear

Don't move the way fear makes you move. 
Move the way love makes you move.
Move the way joy makes you move.

-Osho

I Tumbld on this quote this morning and it struck a chord with everything that has been on my mind since the events of yesterday. A bit of backstory: I don't watch the news and rarely look at popular news sites outside of specific article links. I just can't. I can't see the violence, death, senselessness of it all without becoming terribly sad. Stories like that are on the news daily, so there is no way of avoiding it. You can't watch the news and not see that. Every. Day.

I have always been highly empathic, to the point where I disliked watching Home Alone as a kid because the violence against the robbers was too much for me. It made me uncomfortable every time. I take in the pain of the world all too easily and have a hard time finding my way out from under it. If I let myself, I become paralyzed. By a sense of fear and helplessness. I can feel my conscious self retreating into the depths of my mind where I am lost even to myself. I don't like it. I don't want to deal with it. So I avoid it. Call it what you like, but it is a coping mechanism that I have used for a long time. I don't hide from it, I just don't let it consume me. Because it will.

Which brings me to Osho's quote above. That is exactly why I do it. The fear doesn't allow me to move. The fear steals the life away from me. So I choose instead to focus on love, on joy, because it allows me to keep moving. To keep a forward trajectory. Because otherwise I would spiral. The pain of the world is too much for me to carry and once fully exposed I can't help but carry it.

I listened to a first hand account on the radio on my drive in to work this morning and held back the tears. Because I knew once they started, they wouldn't stop. I've avoided my coworkers (who I even like!) this morning to avoid talking about the subject in depth because I just can't.

So I see a little, I pray, and continue to try to move in the way of love.

It's all I can do to keep it together.



3 comments:

  1. LOOOVE this. I don't watch the news either, and aside from following CNN on twitter, I don't read the news either. I got to a point last year where I was constantly paranoid and worried because of what was going on in the world. I would drop my kid off at preschool, and then spend the day worrying about the school catching fire, or a crazed gunman, etc. I've been a lot less stressed since I stopped exposing myself to it.

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    Replies
    1. Same here! I was a bit hesitant in posting this, because I didn't want it to be interpreted as me hiding from the real world or choosing ignorance. It's more about me knowing my limits. I don't need the negativity.

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  2. I totally agree. I think there's a fine line between "staying informed" and indulging in the details. If I watched the news everyday I would need a prescription for xanax! lol

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