I spent the past weekend shifting between my bed and the couch due to the worst migraine I have had in recent history. It flared up midday Saturday so I spent 16 hours in bed. Then yesterday it came back a bit again, so I spent most of the day on the couch. Today I tried to go in to work, but the exhaustion caught me before I even hit the park and ride. I have no energy, none.
So here I sit, frustrated as hell to have reached a plateau or even regression in this process. It is so frustrating to have this pain that causes me to be bedridden and miss out on valuable time with my family. And there is nothing I can do that works when I’m in the throes. No drugs, ice packs, nothing. I just have to suffer through it. It is so dis-heartening. Sometimes while I’m holed up in bed I just cry (which makes it worse) because I am so sad, frustrated, angry.
What is wrong with me? Why does nothing work for me? Why can’t I just be normal like other people and not have to deal with this shit that drains me of energy and makes me miss out on so many moments of my life?
I’m so fucking over it.
[That is my rant from the worst few days I’ve had in a while. Even though I am feeling hugely frustrated, I have not lost hope in the process, as it is a process. I’m just terrified that nothing will work for me and I’ll be stuck in my bed for half of my life wishing I were able to participate in it.]